What is this about not being able to use <> thingies in the title. I originally used them instead of { these } things because it was like pointing out where the meaning of the phor/for was s'posed'a go. Boo....BOO! I'M A GHOST! I GOT A ROCK! WHY DIDN'T HE JUST THROW IT THROUGH THEIR WINDOWS? WHO GIVES OUT ROCKS FOR HALLOWEEN? BESIDES ME? and I would imagine Santa Claus. But that's only because he's a sourpuss about the holiday. And he has more coal than candy. Because he needs to heat his pole. So I'm saying save it. It's cold up there............anyway. the point-
Stepped in dogshit. That's the metaphor. I don't know if the universe is trying to tell me life can always get worse, or that life will always get worse. 'Oh, your life hasn't been miserable? Well I got it covered. In dogshit. Your shoe, specifically.'
That girl next door better learn to clean up after her pooch. Because I already have my costumes for halloween, but I don't mind adding the wicked witch to the repertoire. So watch it Todo.
Why is there so much shit to do before Halloween? Why does so much have to be submitted by November 1? Killing me. I'ma be a zombie for Halloween without even trying. Here I come, pictures of me sleeping at parties! WUH HOO!
(back to work)
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
It was a superb dick day
You know those days when you take a look at yourself, and you're swingin' large (whatever that may mean to you) and you just know you're going to eff the ess out of the day? It was one of those days today. And still is, I suppose.
Well of course the occurrences are just the same as they always are, but you feel better about them. Or at least about yourself.
Anyhoo, enough dancing around phalli. It really upsets me that the thesaurus widget on my mac does not have an entry for penis. Or anything even remotely vulgar for that matter. Come on! Those are the like the best ones!
Halloween is quickly approaching. I find it irritating that my life is also getting way busier at the same time. You know, it really blows being a secular person, because Halloween is like all we have. Well, that and Christmas. And Thanksgiving. But I get time off for those. Those are recognized as important. And the beliefs behind them are the least important to me. But Halloween is about dressing up and getting intoxicated and indulging! Which I can totally get behind! Then again, that's kind of what all holidays are about in one way or another, huh? The point is, someone give me a break. I should not have to tend to my responsibilities, because I'm not even me on Halloweekend. I am Sirius Black, or Inspector Clouseau. But like a drunk version.
In any case, at the very least it is about time to do my annual marathon of the Misfits. I think the Misfits are the best seasonal music. Especially for this time of year. Of course excepting the monster mash. I'ma throw a monster mash. In my pants. FULL CIRCLE!
peace
Well of course the occurrences are just the same as they always are, but you feel better about them. Or at least about yourself.
Anyhoo, enough dancing around phalli. It really upsets me that the thesaurus widget on my mac does not have an entry for penis. Or anything even remotely vulgar for that matter. Come on! Those are the like the best ones!
Halloween is quickly approaching. I find it irritating that my life is also getting way busier at the same time. You know, it really blows being a secular person, because Halloween is like all we have. Well, that and Christmas. And Thanksgiving. But I get time off for those. Those are recognized as important. And the beliefs behind them are the least important to me. But Halloween is about dressing up and getting intoxicated and indulging! Which I can totally get behind! Then again, that's kind of what all holidays are about in one way or another, huh? The point is, someone give me a break. I should not have to tend to my responsibilities, because I'm not even me on Halloweekend. I am Sirius Black, or Inspector Clouseau. But like a drunk version.
In any case, at the very least it is about time to do my annual marathon of the Misfits. I think the Misfits are the best seasonal music. Especially for this time of year. Of course excepting the monster mash. I'ma throw a monster mash. In my pants. FULL CIRCLE!
peace
Saturday, October 17, 2009
LIfe is hard, but more so when your dick ain't (but then again I suppose it depends on the circumstances...)
(...Because you don't wanna be walking around with a boner all the time right? that could get dangerous)
Hear ye, hear ye. Plant your asses here in front of the screen and I'ma type til you see what I mean.
At some point I have to figure out whether I want to be an actor, a student, or a drunk. Because I don't know how much longer I can continue being all three. There is not enough time in the day. And not enough stuff in my thing. Brain.
Anyhoo, life has been kicking my ass. Four hour rehearsals six days a week and midterms and quizzes and a job make jonny a dull boy.
I just wanted a turkey sandwich, complete with all the fixin's but Hellman was all like "fix that lid so it will stay fixed atop the jar," so I went without that fixture of a turkey sandwich. Just cheese, turkey, lettuce. I'll have to find another way to get my fix.
But not really, because mayonnaise is gross, despite its essential role on sandwiches. What the fix up with that?
Oh my blog, you're my most receptive companion and my favorite to neglect. That'll teach you.
I have to go to rehearsal. Again. and Forever. Fun Fun.
Hear ye, hear ye. Plant your asses here in front of the screen and I'ma type til you see what I mean.
At some point I have to figure out whether I want to be an actor, a student, or a drunk. Because I don't know how much longer I can continue being all three. There is not enough time in the day. And not enough stuff in my thing. Brain.
Anyhoo, life has been kicking my ass. Four hour rehearsals six days a week and midterms and quizzes and a job make jonny a dull boy.
I just wanted a turkey sandwich, complete with all the fixin's but Hellman was all like "fix that lid so it will stay fixed atop the jar," so I went without that fixture of a turkey sandwich. Just cheese, turkey, lettuce. I'll have to find another way to get my fix.
But not really, because mayonnaise is gross, despite its essential role on sandwiches. What the fix up with that?
Oh my blog, you're my most receptive companion and my favorite to neglect. That'll teach you.
I have to go to rehearsal. Again. and Forever. Fun Fun.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
That is one ghetto-ass grilled cheese
My debit card did not come in the mail today - Fudge...sounds delicious right now. I haven't had a cookie since I-don't-know-when and I haven't made them since I-don't-know-how.
In the realm of need that most of us exist within, the meaning of necessity is so definitely flexible. My current needful resources (according to my present fleeting definition) that are at my disposal are Ltd. Too -
4 hours o sleep. $3 and a bunch of change that's lying around my pockets and room. 2 cigarettes. 1 brick of cheese. 1 boxxa cereal. 1 canna soup. 1/2 gallon of milk. 1/2 gallon of ju l'orange. it's the poverty diet.
So some of those things should be more described as "needful". And probably some of them are "resources" too. But fuck off, Semantics. Language is arbitrary.
Oh, and I also have a helluva lot of whiskey, because I haven't had time to drink. That's one of those necessities you don't see in the list because I don't have it. Interesting that I have so much alcohol and so little food. It's like what Kafka said - "I guess I turned into a bum." But that might have been a typographical error. That's probably how it happens, though. Eventually you have nothing left to lose. (ooh did you catch the double meaning there? Like the resources we were talking about before, but then also on an existential level. Oh you did get it? You're very acute, which would make me obtuse.......geometry)
Anyhoo, I'ma go into time debt in order to catch up on my sleep inventory. This was all a very fun journey, wasn't it kids?
Well good afternoon, blog. I'm'onna nap.
In the realm of need that most of us exist within, the meaning of necessity is so definitely flexible. My current needful resources (according to my present fleeting definition) that are at my disposal are Ltd. Too -
4 hours o sleep. $3 and a bunch of change that's lying around my pockets and room. 2 cigarettes. 1 brick of cheese. 1 boxxa cereal. 1 canna soup. 1/2 gallon of milk. 1/2 gallon of ju l'orange. it's the poverty diet.
So some of those things should be more described as "needful". And probably some of them are "resources" too. But fuck off, Semantics. Language is arbitrary.
Oh, and I also have a helluva lot of whiskey, because I haven't had time to drink. That's one of those necessities you don't see in the list because I don't have it. Interesting that I have so much alcohol and so little food. It's like what Kafka said - "I guess I turned into a bum." But that might have been a typographical error. That's probably how it happens, though. Eventually you have nothing left to lose. (ooh did you catch the double meaning there? Like the resources we were talking about before, but then also on an existential level. Oh you did get it? You're very acute, which would make me obtuse.......geometry)
Anyhoo, I'ma go into time debt in order to catch up on my sleep inventory. This was all a very fun journey, wasn't it kids?
Well good afternoon, blog. I'm'onna nap.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Supposing what I did
A night when you're s'posed'a do homework. So you can go to sleep. So you can get up. And do other shit you're s'posed'a do.
But striding comes fancy with whimsy in toe, to let you in on some things you should know. tellin' ya sleep is for quitters - a waste of your time! Well I want my hours to sparkle and shine and I'll go so far as committin' a crime, if I find a crime worth committin'.
I figger most of us that stay up late are just waiting for life to get more int'restin'.
Well tonight for me was a ride for the books, rather I spent the morning with the rest of the crooks that are late to bed and later to rise, and you'll know the gents by the fire in their eyes, a look that pierces with the knowledge of knives, slicing a spoonful into their lives, and that glair lets you know that it'd be lies if they told you that they regret it.
'cause those slices help prioritize, cut those s'posed'as down to size. Though some trouble may materialize, the meantime makes you realize that those nights on the edge of your demise are worth the words in the morning.
But striding comes fancy with whimsy in toe, to let you in on some things you should know. tellin' ya sleep is for quitters - a waste of your time! Well I want my hours to sparkle and shine and I'll go so far as committin' a crime, if I find a crime worth committin'.
I figger most of us that stay up late are just waiting for life to get more int'restin'.
Well tonight for me was a ride for the books, rather I spent the morning with the rest of the crooks that are late to bed and later to rise, and you'll know the gents by the fire in their eyes, a look that pierces with the knowledge of knives, slicing a spoonful into their lives, and that glair lets you know that it'd be lies if they told you that they regret it.
'cause those slices help prioritize, cut those s'posed'as down to size. Though some trouble may materialize, the meantime makes you realize that those nights on the edge of your demise are worth the words in the morning.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Barking: "Mad!"
so i typed up this whole, big, long blog last night about my weekend, but then it didn't publish or save like i thought it did, so eff that noise.
If i had a dinosaur, i would probably smash it to smitherins, in the hopes that it would yield me some quarters. Because odds are it's a pinata, and I have laundry to do. And if it's not, maybe there are people inside, and maybe they have some quarters. I would ask them. But I suppose they're probably dead and partially digested, so in that case I would just rummage through their pockets.
And if that doesn't work, I suppose I'll just go and shake the money tree out back. It can be done. It's all about RNA.
Revenue. Nice. Ass.
But with the money tree it's ALL BILLS! Large ones too. Not even ones you could break for quarters at any respectable establishment. Like ridiculous bills, mostly some sorta thousand kind, but I've found even ones that America has no backing for - a google, a boogle, even a beagle. I named him Allodocious. He came to a terrible end though. I thought he was another one o' them pinatas. I mean - I hoped; I was ready to believe for the potential reward. So I buried him near the money tree, in the hopes that he will germinate into a smaller-currency shrub or fern.
So if anyone would like to donate some quarters so that I can stop this slaughter of hypothetical, desirable pets and/or inanimate objects, put them in a clearly marked zip-lock baggie and hand them to me at your earliest convenience. Thank you.
If i had a dinosaur, i would probably smash it to smitherins, in the hopes that it would yield me some quarters. Because odds are it's a pinata, and I have laundry to do. And if it's not, maybe there are people inside, and maybe they have some quarters. I would ask them. But I suppose they're probably dead and partially digested, so in that case I would just rummage through their pockets.
And if that doesn't work, I suppose I'll just go and shake the money tree out back. It can be done. It's all about RNA.
Revenue. Nice. Ass.
But with the money tree it's ALL BILLS! Large ones too. Not even ones you could break for quarters at any respectable establishment. Like ridiculous bills, mostly some sorta thousand kind, but I've found even ones that America has no backing for - a google, a boogle, even a beagle. I named him Allodocious. He came to a terrible end though. I thought he was another one o' them pinatas. I mean - I hoped; I was ready to believe for the potential reward. So I buried him near the money tree, in the hopes that he will germinate into a smaller-currency shrub or fern.
So if anyone would like to donate some quarters so that I can stop this slaughter of hypothetical, desirable pets and/or inanimate objects, put them in a clearly marked zip-lock baggie and hand them to me at your earliest convenience. Thank you.
Friday, July 17, 2009
So...let's wash a hog
(an elderly, old-timey, powdered-wigged, blustery fellow by the name of Horace Norberg, appears, with a sort of 17th century flair, behind a microphone, which is standing somewhere around the center of an elementary school gymneterium? Audasiteria? Cafditasium? Anyway, some sort of combination of an auditorium, gymnasium, and cafeteria - with the occasional hosting of exciting events like the book fair, and boy scout meetings! - ...um...stage. The stage of that place. Anyhoo, without further adieu, here's the introduction...)
Horace. Hear Ye! Hear Ye! This blog shall come to session. All rise and get ready to get up and get funky with...Jonny T!
(and then I come on in similar garb, why not? It's just an ol' hodgepodge of anachronisms and tangents I guess is the environment I'm setting up here.)
Jonny. A good day to you all! This is Jonny T broadcasting to you live via text, comin' at all you surfers out there on that totally tubular wave machine we call the web! And just to clarify to all of our listeners, I am not the author of the blog. He's asked me to inform all of our viewers that I am merely a representation of the author-
(oh shit...what?! Why'd he stop? Ah! it says here "another character bursts onto the stage from behind the curtain"...and where's the rest of the script? Jesus, people, okay - no script. Sorry folks, we're still figuring this out. Um...this guy's name is...let's see he looks like your average dirty hippie college jack-off...call him Jack? I'll give it a tentative 'yes'. Jack says...)
Jackie. Hold on, pump the brakes man! I think I'm s'posed to be the voice of the author!
(Just to be clear, this is what happens on the show. The different...I'm required to call them characters...talk about things and often disagree and have squabbles. If you ask me it's a little kooky, but the author and Jonathan - that professional-looking man working the camera over there, our producer - have some sort of arrangement. Let's ask him what the hell's going on: 'Jonathan, what the hell is going on here?')
Jonathan. Don't ask me, I'm learning just like everyone else.
('Well you do it very well, doesn't he folks? Let's give 'im a hand! And what a nice blue tie he's got!' Jonathan laughs and waves to imagined applause as the applause sign lights up. Oh, so apparently Jonathan presses the button for the applause sign? And he does it in this instance just for that, for himself? Wow, remind me to bring that up later, I'm not sure how I feel about that. 'Jonathan, you can hear me, then?')
Jonathan. Yeah that's what it sounds like anyway. I think it's because I've got these headphones on.
('Oh yeah, sure enough. You've got those headphones on.')
Jonny. Hey, Jonathan, are we stopped for somethin'? Can we have a smoke break?
Jonathan. Just one second there, Jonny, we're getting this all figured out.
Okay, let's cut that for now. This is the author speaking. I'm'onna take a break from this temporarily, and I guess rebroadcast from this point at another time, it's late. Anyway, y'all come on back now, it gets even weirder from here I think. 'til next time...
Horace. Hear Ye! Hear Ye! This blog shall come to session. All rise and get ready to get up and get funky with...Jonny T!
(and then I come on in similar garb, why not? It's just an ol' hodgepodge of anachronisms and tangents I guess is the environment I'm setting up here.)
Jonny. A good day to you all! This is Jonny T broadcasting to you live via text, comin' at all you surfers out there on that totally tubular wave machine we call the web! And just to clarify to all of our listeners, I am not the author of the blog. He's asked me to inform all of our viewers that I am merely a representation of the author-
(oh shit...what?! Why'd he stop? Ah! it says here "another character bursts onto the stage from behind the curtain"...and where's the rest of the script? Jesus, people, okay - no script. Sorry folks, we're still figuring this out. Um...this guy's name is...let's see he looks like your average dirty hippie college jack-off...call him Jack? I'll give it a tentative 'yes'. Jack says...)
Jackie. Hold on, pump the brakes man! I think I'm s'posed to be the voice of the author!
(Just to be clear, this is what happens on the show. The different...I'm required to call them characters...talk about things and often disagree and have squabbles. If you ask me it's a little kooky, but the author and Jonathan - that professional-looking man working the camera over there, our producer - have some sort of arrangement. Let's ask him what the hell's going on: 'Jonathan, what the hell is going on here?')
Jonathan. Don't ask me, I'm learning just like everyone else.
('Well you do it very well, doesn't he folks? Let's give 'im a hand! And what a nice blue tie he's got!' Jonathan laughs and waves to imagined applause as the applause sign lights up. Oh, so apparently Jonathan presses the button for the applause sign? And he does it in this instance just for that, for himself? Wow, remind me to bring that up later, I'm not sure how I feel about that. 'Jonathan, you can hear me, then?')
Jonathan. Yeah that's what it sounds like anyway. I think it's because I've got these headphones on.
('Oh yeah, sure enough. You've got those headphones on.')
Jonny. Hey, Jonathan, are we stopped for somethin'? Can we have a smoke break?
Jonathan. Just one second there, Jonny, we're getting this all figured out.
Okay, let's cut that for now. This is the author speaking. I'm'onna take a break from this temporarily, and I guess rebroadcast from this point at another time, it's late. Anyway, y'all come on back now, it gets even weirder from here I think. 'til next time...
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