someone bail me out

When the federal government bailed out the banks of this country, it was taxpayer money they used. Shouldn't that mean that I own a piece of those banks?

http://www.suntimes.com/news/jackson/8389726-452/we-bail-out-banks-but-not-desperate-students.html

And when those banks used those interest-free loans to buy government bonds, purchasing government interest with no-interest money, thereby making a brilliant investment and, in my opinion, undercutting the American government and its constituents, hypothetically doubling money that was mostly already hypothetical - where is my bonus?

Where is my cut of stolen retirement and healthcare funds?
( http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/mon-october-17-2011/ellen-schultzs )


Hello. I'm sorry, I got so heated, I forgot to introduce myself.

I am a graduate of a large public university, and, for that, I am indebted for the next ten years.

Today, I decided to finally nut up and face my colossal bill, which is good because I think my grace period is up. The sum total...

'bout $25,000

And I remember thinking to myself, "huh. not as bad as I thought."

And it really isn't. I was thinking somewhere closer to $32,000. But that's mostly because I always expect the worst.

Hoping for the best, however, seems a bit foolish at this point.

Because I started thinking about my life until now. Especially as it relates to everyone else's life. Or at least the lives of most other people, as I understand them. And the model of humanity becomes one of a child taking everything it can during the process of maturing, and slowly having to give it all back throughout adulthood, until we all eventually die of desperation. Figuratively.

(Well, we all die. Literally. But the causes are varied. That's the figurative. You get my point.)

I still don't know how to feel about this. I don't know whether to weep for inevitability, or try to enact change against these circumstances in which I've always felt so powerless, as such a small part of the construction of the system into which I was spawned.

But maybe there's hope...
http://www.usnews.com/education/blogs/student-loan-ranger/2011/06/22/congress-proposes-relief-for-student-loan-borrowers


In any case, it's probably time for me to drop my dreams and try to pick up some more hours.

my modeling portfolio

today, i realized that i wanted to be a voyageur. 

 i decided i'm bringin' it back.

  the skin is furry too ^^^

who wants to trade some furs?

all the good ones are taken

i once saw a bumper sticker that i liked
(which is terribly rare i find)
that said:  "jesus loves you...
it's the rest of us that think you're an asshole."

so, as per the above,

given our mutual lack of religion,
given that i have no idea what you believe
given our lack of communication,

the blame for which i have given to you,

that quaint little quip applies far too well
for me to go on any longer trying to be jesus.

but let me know when your sister is getting married.

i actually like her.

and what of it?

It occurs to me that I spend most of my life engorged in what I think of as some sort of cinematic masterpiece that is my life. What a noble quest this protagonist is on. what brilliant wit and humor this man uses as he braves the wild and conquers everything in his path with kindness and reason. Spools of it even. And because it amuses me to do this, I will continue. I grow weary of this reflection!

is was that

i'm only typing something here because i would feel awkward leaving it blank

bare stage, apart from microphone, slowly revealed in spotlight. A blind man struggles through the curtains. He crosses the stage with a humorous mixture of hesitance and resolve. He runs into the microphone. The impact upsets him, but the moment he realizes what it is, he is beside himself with joy, followed shortly by anxiety. He slowly conjures the will to speak something that has been bearing on him for a long time.


BLIND MAN. The benefit of true modesty is that the only way to accomplish anything worthwhile long term is to always expect more from yourself. That way everything you do will always be the best it can be. Of course if you want to be happy, you might want to choose another quality quality. Which is why everything I say is brilliant. (he laughs)

Do you follow?

The only way to sustain true modesty meanwhile possessing some level of self-efficacy, therefore mental health, is to be modest at extraverse and proud at introverse. Also, inventing phrases helps. (he laughs)

Polite society becomes inherently dishonest. Honesty being another quality quality, which one is more desired? Modesty or honesty? Would you rather have everyone's head up their asses, or everyone spouting bullshit?

I suppose either way it amounts to a great deal of hot, smelly air. (he laughs)

Life is really full of these little contradictions. It's maddening.

i really don't care how much a cliche, these little town blues are melting away

I really don't think it's hit me yet.

This city has been built up by the people who share my dreams for as long as I have had the blessing and curse to spend most of my days with them. it's become an emerald city, a diamond as big as the ritz.

and now i'm a block away from central park.

I stroll through the streets looking at all of these places that bear a striking resemblance to all of the places I've seen from so far away for so long now. my favorite films to terrible tv shows. but all of them here. right here before me.

I told myself I wouldn't get attached.

a flight that lasts an hour and change and there you are. this place looks like that place in The Terminal. there is a woman screaming at people to be better at getting in cabs. apparently they should know this by now. reckon i wasn't half bad.

the cab driver is old, hunched over the steering wheel. and my perception is that he is an atrocious driver, creating lanes where there appear to be none and cutting people off. but then that probably qualifies as a quality driver around here.

there are cables running up the apartment buildings to accommodate the miracle of television once upon a time.

meanwhile we head to the eugene o'neill theatre for a preview of the new musical by the south park creators. which is brilliant by the way.

and then a delicious midnight dinner. little pricey, but what are you gonna do. it's new york. it tastes better.

i have to force myself because i'm still too excited to sleep. this city has worn me out but i'm ready for more.

i'm still waiting for it to hit me. maybe it never will. maybe this is where i belong.

welcome to new york city.