I have been pondering what inspires the very essence of the organism that is a human being to arrange its composition so as to navigate all efforts toward another human being.

And.

i think.

i might have an answer.




but it is only another quandry in itself. isn't that always the case dontcha find?



so i've got a mess more problems and this thought bubble has a long way to float, but its going somewhere. i hope it takes me with it.

they're called GRABOIDS! I would have spelled it with uh zee.

What a mood. These sure are confusing times we're all living in, people. Check ya neck, that's all I'm saying.

What to say...what to say? I don't think gin is my favorite drunk. I think I will stick to whiskey and tequila.

Oh, right. Winter break was alright. Uneventful. Unproductive. New year's eve was just a terrible experience for myself. For the most part. And this first week of classes was dreadfully strenuous. And I know it is only going to get exponentially worse as this semester progresses. And it will probably get so bad that I won't be able to focus on getting a job for the summer, so I won't get one. It seems life is dead-set on sustaining this malaise. But you know. whatever.

one thing i will say is that i spread peanut butter on my banana this morning. In a very sensual manner. But fer real folks, I have been doing it for awhile now, and it's a beautiful breakfast. Especially for hangovers. Very sensual hangovers. Ones during which you sense that you FEEL LIKE SHIT.

Dystopian today. That's probably not the right word. But when you look out and all you see is gloom and doom and mud and crud, what else can you see? I can't see the bright snow looking back at me, it's all cluttered with filth. And there's a piece in my eye. So there's no way the mess of fallen precipitation can sub in for the blankness left by the sun's bitter absence. It doesn't quite fulfill certain electromagnetic supply standards. Sometimes she comes out, though. I just wish I could hold on.

I like it when people say "dudn't". Or "doe'n't"?

I had a dream last night. You probably did too. But I remembered mine, which dudn't happen a lot. It was about a fire that burned the shit out of a building i was in. I don't remember if it was my fault. Totes probs.

The shelf at the foot of my bed is supporting several items right now, including:
-jar of creamy peanut butter (oh yeah, it wasn't just a euphemism people)
-butter knife resting gently across the lid of said jar
-mostly empty bottle of flintstone vitamins
-empty glass of water
-face lotion
-empty peel of banana, quickly browning
-small pair of scissors
-iPod(first generation nano with blue earbud headphones)
-mostly empty bottle of gin

And that means it's time to go folks.

Fuck me, right?

Inspiration fails when you can't remember a thought from one moment to the next, or, "Has Something Been Shitting in Here?!"

One morning in the recent past, I was walking to class. It was cold. I was late I think. But I wasn't worried - I think I had a cigarette, but also a little ditty by Fiona Apple came up on my iPod, called "Extraordinary Machine". So I was jamming along. And what should pass but a hearse. Bummer. It had an orange flag, though, and I have never seen that before. And all of the trailing vehicles had their own orange flags. "Funeral", they said. Read. I thought - orange? I mean I love orange, don't get me wrong, but is it really the most appropriate hue for such matters? Certainly there's the visibility element, but I really think you need to utilize the skull 'n' crossbones insignia here. Really give everyone you pass a sense of gloom and a reminder of their own mortality. and a reminder of PIRATES! So yeah I guess pirates kinda have the market cornered on the skeletal icons, but hey that could add a hint of adventure, eh? Some rowdies try and hijack the casket? Looking for gold, find a dead body - the perfect distraction while you're burying the treasure in the cemetery across town.

But perhaps that was just the dead's wishes. Of course, I heard that orange flags are widespread nowadays for these sort of ceremonies, but you know, people are liars. So i'ma believe what i damn well please. and in this reality of my own invention, I reckon I would probably have flags on the train, but they would be very large, flying on the top of each vehicle. Now yes, some of the taller automobiles might not be able to make any clearance, but I'm sure there are other ways to the graveyard. And hey, more publicity for my funeral! but we'll get to that in a minute. So these flags - they
attackers find a dead body...you know what I'm bored. This is boring. moving on.

Sometimes I walk in a silly fashion. And most often it's for no one else's amusement but my own. I think it has given me light to moderate back trouble. These are the important lessons in life.

My hangover is like my body saying : "it's going to be a shitty day. WAKE UP ASSHOLE YOU'RE MISSING IT!"

In the course of my lifetime, I would like to be honored with a banner-raising/number-retired ceremony? I was watching Steve Yzerman's ceremony on the tyoob at the parents' house, and there was the pomp and the sentimentality and the detroit red wings has been the team that i have followed closest for the longest time or whatever. So it was touching for me. And I thought to myself, "I would like a version of this to happen to me in some sort of activity i am involved in". But then they brought out the chevy prize vehicle and were all like "and he's gonna be going home with this brand new chevy truck suv thing that's so cool". something like that. and they played this like midwest middle-age middle-class party music and had the vehicle like circling on the ice. ew...i'm gonna change the channel i think.

y'ever look at yourself in the mirror or think about something you just said or did, and wonder what the hell kind of person am I? what right have i to exist? what a ridiculous conclusion this has become - my life. I think the cut on my finger feels infected. See? I only wrote that for my own enjoyment from consonance. Absurd, no? but also because it hurts, but probs not because it is infected. I don't think. I don't know.

I.D.T.I.D.K.

I've got a clock face and I don't know which way is twelve. that is a way better title.

Syllogism the first

Class is a synecdoche.








Think about it.

why with my regal beezer i could be another caesar if i only had a drink

alright, y'all. I hope you had a wonderful thanksgiving. I know mine...was um...eventful? Drunken certainly. I saw a lot of people i like, a lot of good friends that i haven't seen in a while. So that was cool. Also saw a few people i don't particularly care for. Namely a good portion of my extended family.

But hey, that's why Benjamin Franklin invented alcohol. and jack daniels took a swig and exclaimed "I will found an entire civilization upon this sort of beverage" and jim beam said "me too!" and so they got to fighting. meanwhile a young samuel adams was taking notes in the corner - he had been searching for a way to get women to sleep with him at frat parties. And captain morgan went wee wee wee wee all the way to the caribbean. because he ain't got a home. now is it whee like an exclamation or wee like urination? i think the urination makes more sense in this context - assuming that captain morgan is a business drunk, which is easy to be if your business is piracy - because remember kids - alcohol is a diuretic.

but fer real folks, I remember earlier this fall when i considered how someday thanksgiving would come, and I would eat lots and lots of food for free. and what a concept for a young, poor, starving man. but as always, i had to sit through some family guff. and now it's all gone. i have had some good times with some good friends with good food and good booze. well, alcohol of varying qualities.

anyhoo, i reckon this thanksgiving is the first time i have felt legitimately thankful. serious gratitude. for all of my friends. all the generous, lovely people in my life. am i supposed to give thanks to, or give thanks for? or both? well i would like to do both. so here and there you are, wonderful human beings of my reality. Thanks. And you know, as much trouble as i have had this whole semester with life in general (but a lot having to do with being effing poor). maybe it's true that money can't buy happiness. maybe i'll move to the middle east and become an ascetic. or perhaps i'll just stick around here and be an aesthete.

but then, perhaps i'm only realizing my contentment because i have done somewhere around zero homework and i am at my home in grand haven, and i just find the paradox rather humorous - i can't do homework at home. since my college years, this house has become a complete mental sanctuary from academics. I just sit around, watch tv, and eat. all day. it is ridiculous. and there is so much to do before the end of the semester. it is completely vulgar how much i have to do in the next three weeks.

so don't be mad at me if i don't write another one o' these for awhile.
though it's kinda early (and kinda late too i guess, what with thanksgiving and all)...

...happy holidays.

i know its coming. i can see the light. al otro lado del rio.

going and coming then becomes a matter of here and there...and then...

any reference to Dude, Where's my Car? being unintentional. But if I type that sentence, is it instantly negated? ...I guess we'll see.

Anyhoo, busy? Me too. Would it be wrong to name a child Anyhoo? No stealies, it was my idea.

I went to the zoo a few weeks ago, and I thought I might share some of my observations:
'3:46 - A large round figure, measuring approximately 7 feet in height and 6 feet in width, is stationed outside of one of the exhibit buildings. Slightly bubbling, billowing, and inconsistent exterior. Yellow being the majority color. Animated (drawn-on) eyes and mouth, protruding nose, stubby arms and legs. Disproportionately large, white gloves worn on end of arms and similarly disproportionate imitation Converse All-Stars worn on the end of legs. Bears sizable red baseball cap - reads "Celebration Cinemas". Oversized red, striped basketball-style shorts. Roused by a stereo playing Michael Jackson's "Thriller", the being dances awkwardly, only spurred by the crowds of children drawing near. It doesn't even use the original MJ choreography. I am not impressed. Humans are an odd species. Even at a zoo.'

I had the (Ms.)Fortune of coincidentally coinciding my visit with an event coined "Boo at the Zoo".

Alright, sorry this is all i can post here at the present time. More to come once my production is finished. You should come. I'm playing Dale Harding in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest at Michigan State University. Go to thr.msu.edu for further information if you are genuinely interested. Should be a good show.

I'm hungry, and consequently very irritated with Menna's for the absence of its product in my tummy. Damn online ordering.

Golly.

I'm in a great mood, bordering on mania. I called hoping you could bring me down.

Who ever heard of having a good mood Tuesday? It's probably the slap-happy sleep-deprived energy shot talking. Those girls that walk around with the free energy shots in the library are the offspring divine, sent from heaven. But I guess it makes sense - "gives you wings". Makes them angels. Gives me sense.

Or something closely-resembling.

It's funny. I had $10 - I never thought that food v. cigarettes could be a trial for the books. Luckily, food's attorney is a tad more articulate. Or my stomach gave pretty strong testimony. In it's weakness.

I'm in the library, printing cigarette coupons.
I'm done with the rest, I'll only eat croutons.
Perhaps I'll cough up a lung before my body turns cannibal.
I only enjoy it when the danger is tangible.
I know that I hate me, 'cause I'm a man-made animal.

Good moods with good tunes on hand makes for a better mood. It's not me against the music. It's me inside the music. Against the world. But mostly it comes down to proxy skirmishes with piles of leaves. And those don't last long, because they fly up in flourishes and we forge fast friendships. Then it all turns into pleasant impressionism. Especially on sunny autumn days.

They're rare, but well-done.