things happen a lot.
it's hard to act accordingly
but it's easy to react poorly.
...'specially when you're drunk.
seeing as how for some reason i trust my judgment at the moment, i'm'onna say that i often take the easy way.
...'specially when I'm drunk.
I pray for the day when i'm numb
to the cuts and the stains from the cum
With a hardy thumb's up, I'll wave with my cup
and watch as my fortune falls in.
I'll throw out my thumb, and roam like a bum
and escape from the wages of sin.
Fuck morning bird song. I'm singing "Thinking About You" in my radiohead.
Fuck birds. We've become too good of friends.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
If you could never wear shoes again and had to live in either the frozen tundra or searing desert, which would you choose and what would you do about your feet?
Thank you, caller, for this, the most fucked-up of questions. This is difficult. So I will start with the obvious...
From various instances of flopping my wang out in public, I have learned several things. Dijon mustard is the most sensual of condiments, sometimes a bottle of dressing is easier entered than exited, and even the most well-organized of funeral wakes can be ruined by the noticeable combination of food and genitals.
So in conclusion, I'd have to say desert, because, though I realize there's the risk of delicate sunburn, it's easier and more comfortable to pee. And also, at least there's supposedly some pleasing hallucinations on the horizon to distract me.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Dear Friend: I hate you (an evaluation)
but how can i really be upset with you when i continually seem so intent on disappointing myself?
The last thirty-some hours have been interesting. Last, least, lost my housing arrangement. I cannot even find shelter for myself.
Seriously, Jonathan? You must have missed the first week of class, because this one is pretty basic. And you seem shaky on the others -
Water. Got it. Fairly simple commodity nowadays, what with the waterways. Congratulations on choosing the right origin.
Food. You've struggled with this one before, but you seem to have gotten the feel for foraging.
Sleep. Also an area in which you've had trouble. It did not seem so essential in the younger age (remember when you didn't sleep for days?) but now you have had to drive yourself so hard to catch up with all these other essentials that it has effectively forced itself on you. But of course the comfort element is contingent upon...
SHELTER, motherfucker. There are invertebrates with hardly a nervous system to speak of that do this better than you.
Stop depending on other people, because they do not depend on you.
They are always going to get theirs, so grow the fuck up and get yours too.
I seem to be born under a bad sign, and not even in the bad-ass sort of way, just in the way my life is given to periodic full-on fallout collapse.
A nearby group of rope-jumping schoolchildren had this to say on the subject:
"Teacher, teacher
there's a creature
living under
the rusty bleacher!
a boy was sent
to go explore
but in he went
and was seen no more!"
Sorry about the negativity, everyone. But he has to learn.
I try to be positive. And usually it is successful. Because if it wasn't I would certainly be riding down a river called wrist on a raft called razor. it flows into "Come Sail Away" blaring over the speakers and then into (and thus completing a) melancholy melodrama montage.
You're cute. Stay the fuck away from my boat. You have too much to swim for. And I can no longer navigate this metaphor.
My room is the filthiest it has been in a long time. I planned on cleaning when my life let up after the semester was finished. But then it never let up. And you know, it doesn't seem like it is going to ever again. It seems that this storm has slowly turned into the new moderate climate.
The conditions are poor, but fairly consistent
not at all temp'rate, but all too persistent
The sky has turned red, but I am resistant
That was stupid.
Take a hint, lost boy. There's no such thing as Captain Hook anymore, you're just fencing yourself. In. Because if you don't build the fence, someone else will. Apparently there has to be borders.
The nations we see are those we define
by the contents contained on one side of the line
we put our trust in those things that confine
so you stick to yours and I'll stay in mine
for conflicts occur when these two combine.
...and ne'er the 'twixt shall exist.
tangent?
If i had a brain to work with i would tell you something about socks. and how they get worn in and comfortable. and then how they get worn out. or how they get lost somewhere between the washer and dryer, or the dryer and my drawer, or the drawer and my feet, and around again. either way they all eventually disappear and i have to get new ones. i've dwelt upon these socks too long. maybe they didn't like how i wore them or folded them together. But in any case, they're gone.
And in the mind of some pretentious asshole this makes sense as somehow representative of his relationships with people.
Speaking of which, I have to do laundry. So, to wrap it up, it seems this whole post has been about growing up. Ew. Second star to the right, and straight on til morning. Which is when I need to have this laundry done by. Otherwise I will be forced to wear my green tights and fairy dust. And there is not an ant in my pants nor a pie in the sky that is cool with that. To reiterate - that is cool with that.
It's a sine.
And thus we say goodbye to neverland.
Fuck your self and mine.
The last thirty-some hours have been interesting. Last, least, lost my housing arrangement. I cannot even find shelter for myself.
Seriously, Jonathan? You must have missed the first week of class, because this one is pretty basic. And you seem shaky on the others -
Water. Got it. Fairly simple commodity nowadays, what with the waterways. Congratulations on choosing the right origin.
Food. You've struggled with this one before, but you seem to have gotten the feel for foraging.
Sleep. Also an area in which you've had trouble. It did not seem so essential in the younger age (remember when you didn't sleep for days?) but now you have had to drive yourself so hard to catch up with all these other essentials that it has effectively forced itself on you. But of course the comfort element is contingent upon...
SHELTER, motherfucker. There are invertebrates with hardly a nervous system to speak of that do this better than you.
Stop depending on other people, because they do not depend on you.
They are always going to get theirs, so grow the fuck up and get yours too.
I seem to be born under a bad sign, and not even in the bad-ass sort of way, just in the way my life is given to periodic full-on fallout collapse.
A nearby group of rope-jumping schoolchildren had this to say on the subject:
"Teacher, teacher
there's a creature
living under
the rusty bleacher!
a boy was sent
to go explore
but in he went
and was seen no more!"
Sorry about the negativity, everyone. But he has to learn.
I try to be positive. And usually it is successful. Because if it wasn't I would certainly be riding down a river called wrist on a raft called razor. it flows into "Come Sail Away" blaring over the speakers and then into (and thus completing a) melancholy melodrama montage.
You're cute. Stay the fuck away from my boat. You have too much to swim for. And I can no longer navigate this metaphor.
My room is the filthiest it has been in a long time. I planned on cleaning when my life let up after the semester was finished. But then it never let up. And you know, it doesn't seem like it is going to ever again. It seems that this storm has slowly turned into the new moderate climate.
The conditions are poor, but fairly consistent
not at all temp'rate, but all too persistent
The sky has turned red, but I am resistant
That was stupid.
Take a hint, lost boy. There's no such thing as Captain Hook anymore, you're just fencing yourself. In. Because if you don't build the fence, someone else will. Apparently there has to be borders.
The nations we see are those we define
by the contents contained on one side of the line
we put our trust in those things that confine
so you stick to yours and I'll stay in mine
for conflicts occur when these two combine.
...and ne'er the 'twixt shall exist.
tangent?
If i had a brain to work with i would tell you something about socks. and how they get worn in and comfortable. and then how they get worn out. or how they get lost somewhere between the washer and dryer, or the dryer and my drawer, or the drawer and my feet, and around again. either way they all eventually disappear and i have to get new ones. i've dwelt upon these socks too long. maybe they didn't like how i wore them or folded them together. But in any case, they're gone.
And in the mind of some pretentious asshole this makes sense as somehow representative of his relationships with people.
Speaking of which, I have to do laundry. So, to wrap it up, it seems this whole post has been about growing up. Ew. Second star to the right, and straight on til morning. Which is when I need to have this laundry done by. Otherwise I will be forced to wear my green tights and fairy dust. And there is not an ant in my pants nor a pie in the sky that is cool with that. To reiterate - that is cool with that.
It's a sine.
And thus we say goodbye to neverland.
Fuck your self and mine.
Where does dust come from?
It comes from all of your regrets. first the dust stifles you, gets on your skin, in your eyes nose mouth ears lungs. You try and scratch it off and out, but soon you see it's fairly useless - you can move it around but it will always be there. And then it just builds. and you have to sit down before you fall down, but then you regret sitting down, because you just have to stay there and become the host of what is mostly dead skin. look what you've done, you've made a monster.
Also it comes from stupid questions. But primarily it comes from an big dumb old invisible tree frogs. it also causes the changing of seasons. Snow - duh? I know this because I have spent the last three years and four million dollars hunting BOZ - that's his name, stands for Broke Outta the Zoo - like he's the Predator. And when I say hunting I mean both Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny Glover style, jungle and cityscape. But I think I need Carl Weathers. Unfortunately he has not responded to my emails. So if anyone sees Carl Weathers, send him my way. We'll get this whole dust and winter thing figured out.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Cut from Reflection
this is mostly figurative.
My education is not self-affirmation -
affirming oneself mostly means masturbation.
I try to steer clear of the stroking and sucking -
I much more prefer to be poking and fucking.
Meeting the witness with monsters inside
bodes best for bodies with no place to hide.
Monday, May 3, 2010
if you were stuck on a island and would live forever, what three people or things would you bring with you? If it's person, they can live forever too!
You want me to say Alex Georgia Marky and little lift from god's gift...and some sour patch kids. But I refuse to be peer-pressured, so I'm'onna say Ginger and Mary Ann, Chef Boyardee, and my own personal thanksgiving feast. And all of the hard drugs I can stuff in my ears.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
What, do you suppose, is the best method of procuring for one's self, a pre-destination?
The best method? Tough call. But I will say that if everyday you stare into the sun, or consume a sandwich composed completely of two pieces of fried chicken enveloping bacon and cheese, or even masturbate while choking yourself with a dog leash attached to the handle of a revolving door, you have a pretty good idea of what's going to happen to you eventually. For me, to continue along the same lines, I blow a load into the collection plate on sundays. Because what is more valuable than the gift of life? That way I know I will go to heaven. Though I am never sure how long I will be allowed at any given church...service.
This is less a question, more a command. Write me a one sentence story pertaining to the meaning of life and jellybeans eaten by a dog. No creativity allowed.
"dog-a-jelly = yllej-a-god = illegible canine deity + pectin = dog eats jellybeans = jellybeans ate god."
And only because it is a one-sentence story can i not put a question mark at the end, which invariably makes it a fact. Also because I forget sometimes this is a place for answers and not more questions. This isn't church after all. Get it? Damn it. Get it.
Are you a chicken? If so, then why does everything taste like you?
Could a chicken do this?....oh that's right, you can't see me. Well trust me, it's pretty cool. And I didn't even have to rip out all of the hair this time.
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