If you could never wear shoes again and had to live in either the frozen tundra or searing desert, which would you choose and what would you do about your feet?

Thank you, caller, for this, the most fucked-up of questions. This is difficult. So I will start with the obvious...

From various instances of flopping my wang out in public, I have learned several things. Dijon mustard is the most sensual of condiments, sometimes a bottle of dressing is easier entered than exited, and even the most well-organized of funeral wakes can be ruined by the noticeable combination of food and genitals.

So in conclusion, I'd have to say desert, because, though I realize there's the risk of delicate sunburn, it's easier and more comfortable to pee. And also, at least there's supposedly some pleasing hallucinations on the horizon to distract me.

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